Posted by Chip Patterson, Illustrated by Tom Fornelli
Well, it is official: Ole Miss has selected their new sideline mascot. After seven years of debate, the "Rebel Black Bear" won 62 percent of the vote in a poll of more than 13,000 students, faculty, alumni, and fans. The "Rebel Black Bear" beat out the other two finalists, the "Rebel Land Shark" and "Hotty Toddy."
When we first told you about the three finalists for the new Ole Miss sideline prowler, we openly admitted that we were hoping that by some miracle Admiral Ackbar would somehow work a way into the new mascot. It was a longshot dream, with chances not much bigger than womp rats I used to bullseye in my T-16 back home. Admiral Ackbar is a strong and steadfast leader, but has a tendency to kind of freak out from time to time .
Here was the initial prediction of Ackbar's sentiments towards the Rebel Black Bear.
Now, I realize that your first thought is, "Wait a second, Ackbar couldn't shoot lasers out of his eyes!" Or maybe, "Holy crap Chip, you are a nerd." Regardless, Ackbar never was never documented shooting lasers out of his eyes; but his time on screen was limited and much of his private life is untouched by Star Wars lore. Still, we do know that Ackbar has an entire fleet of Calamari cruisers at his dispense, and they are all well equipped with lasers.
But thanks to the tweet of Ramzy Nasrallah , the conspiracy theorists of the mascot world (all seven of us) can remain hopeful that there is a master plan in place. Hopefully the selection of the bear has very little to do with the actual characteristics, but instead is a hint for the ultimate reveal.
Ah ha! Now we finally understand what is going on down in Oxford. After getting their cover blown by ESPN, the true Admiral Ackbar movement had to go underground and disguise itself as the Rebel Black Bear. He may wear slacks in the Grove, but do not be shocked if the furry mammal is a cover up for one of the leaders of the Rebel Alliance.
The only member of the SEC truly enraged by the announcement is UGA VIII, who's arrival on the Georgia sidelines has now been upstaged by this fishy business in Oxford.
So what does UGA VIII think of the new Ole Miss mascot?